Realistic

So lately its been a lot of bitching from me. Specially about my husband. Therefore, I suppose this is my truth email. Its what really goes on, and what David really is.

The truth is that I love David with all my heart. When I see him I feel this feeling in my stomach...every single time. There is no time that I wish I wasn't with him. I don't care how many times he makes me mad, or how many times he gets us lost, or how many times I have to be mapquest for him. He's what I wanted. And, what I got. From the first time I saw him, I felt something different. There was a feeling of completeness (if that's a word, and as corny as it sounds). I just don't know how to describe what I feel for his Monster butt.

So he's messed up a few times....I never tell what I do. I'm a bitch, and I know it. I don't know how he's put up with me for so long, and can still look at me at night while we lie in bed and tell me that he loves me more than anything in this materialistic world. And I know he's telling the truth. I don't give him reasons to stay with me. And I don't give him reasons to leave me. He's just happy by my side. I know that if it was someone else, my ass would have gotten bitch slapped a few times, and left with nothing but the junk in my closet. Yet he's different. He's kind, he's scruffy, he's silly, he's modest, he's fun, he's thoughtful, he's warm, he's rough, he's manly, he's soft, and he's a beautiful person from every angle.

I can't go on complaining about what he lacks, but instead remember what he gives me so much of.

We haven't fought since December 30th...and I am no longer believing that saying will jinx us. At the beginning of this year, I decided that its time we make our own days good. If we fight tomorrow, it was meant to be, and it will only make our relationship stronger. We've gone through so much in the first year of marriage...it could always be worse. But, we're gonna fight, and I'm gonna kick ass at being the wonderful wife that he deserves...cause God knows he's a wonderful husband to me.

Mai :)

Exaggerations

Today is January 4th, and somehow David and I managed to stay together through the new year. We had somewhat of a tumultuos year's end, that I didn't expect. Well, I suspected it, but he just has this way of convincing me that its the other way around all the time. No, he did not cheat on me...I hope. I just thought that after this incident, things between us were seriously over. I told him to start packing. I even threatened to go to his mother. How childish!! But, that's the way that I have to behave with him. And I hate it to death. I hate having to be after him, making sure that what needs to be done is done. I hate having to catch him in lies, I hate having to think about what he's done to me...don't make me mention that frog faced bitch again....I hate having to worry that things will repeat themselves, and I hate having to live with this feeling in my stomach that something's not right.

Yet I married him. And I love him. And I need him. It just seems as though he doesn't always feel that way about me. I don't know if when he touches me, or kisses me, its genuine. Or, if he's doing it because he thinks thats what I want. I thought I had a husband that really really loved me. He says he does. And that he's never felt this way for someone else before. Do I believe it? I've been lied to before and its so hard to trust someone who's betrayed that trust on so many occasions. I want to believe that David is being genuine. That what he tells me is true. Deep down I feel like it is...but my stupid brain always gets in the way.

I want a husband that sees me when I get home and realizes how lonely he was feeling. That thinks of nothing but me, that wants to be with me every second of the day.......but that's unrealistic. VERY unrealistic. I have never met anyone that has that. I thought I did. And to be hones, I would be happy with David at least showing me that he loves me and that he truly wants to change his ways. But it will take a while...and a lot of work. I'm not sure if I'm up for that challenge.

Maybe I'm just overexaggerating. It just sucks to feel these things for someone you had so much trust in. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want my marriage to go to waste for something so dumb as some of the things that have upset me. Its his call. I've already told him that he needs to step up and change this relationship. I'm tired of it being a one way street. I'm tired of putting so much of myself into it that I don't have strength or emotion for anything else. He can deal with it now. He knows how I feel, what I want, and what I'm about. I've told myself that at the end of this year, if things aren't tied up, and going at least somewhat smoothly...I'm going to have to find something else. Someone else. Or be alone...for a very long time. We'll see.

In other news...my sister is having a baby girl. Whatever. I mean, its my niece. But, I was hoping for another little boy. Besides, she's going to name her Paola (Paw-oh-la). What a dumb name.......but its her kid. And I know...I will lover her regardless of her dumb name.

Year's End

I know, its been more than super long. Its been nearly two months. So much has happened. And, its not like anyone missed me. I'm still alive. We all are actually. Not that much happened. We went to Las Vegas for Christmas, which was okay. Too many kids, none mine. They ran, screamed, kicked, fought, jumped, and got on every nerve that I have in my body. It just made me not want to have kids...ever!

New Year's Eve was good. We went to my sister's house (Patricia) and things went better than I expected. We ate delicious Birria..that's goat meat, marinated and cooked. Dona Carmen (my sister's mother in law) is the best cook in the world. At nights end (midnight) every one hugged, kissed, shook hands. My brother in law seemed sincere when he said that we would be having a better year than 2005. I hope so. I'm tired of the way he treats my sister. But we are hopefully leaving that behind.

So the holiday's ended. So quickly. And the mall is still not empty. That been said, I look forward to 2006 with brighter eyes, and a more open mind. I hated 2005...it could have possibly been the worst year in a long time. So many financial issues, relationship problems, stress, bad luck, weight gains, and things left undone. But '06 looks prosperous....for now.

Sally & Alicia

Here are my two younger sisters. Sally & Alicia. Do any of them look like me? Do they look like eachother? None of us look alike. 

David

Hi....its Tuesday (and it sucks). Here's my lovely husband again. I know, he's not wearing a shirt. And, he's wearing my glasses. It's funny that we have the same prescription.

Anyway, don't really know what else to say about David. You guys know how I feel about him.

That's it for now...as I'm not feeling too well. I had to come to work on the bus yesterday and today because David has my car, because his car has its spare, and he drives A LOT daily.

Maybe more later. 

Familia

Here is my uncle Juan, Lupe, and their daughter Maya. Aren't they cute? 

It was me

Yes, I did do this to her. Its tradition to bite into the cake after we sing happy birthday. Alicia went for it, and my hand just happened to help her out. I didn't do it that hard, some lady pushed my hand in even more. 

Alicia and her man

This is Alicia with her cake...to come is the pic where her face went about halfway into it. 

Some People

Here is a pic from Alicia's BBQ a week ago. Once again, it was super awesome. Three guys surrounding Alicia are my uncles and the girl in the orange shirt is my uncle Juan's wife, Lupe. If you look closely, you can see Johnny in the pic too. 

Geez, I know....

I know, I haven't posted those pics yet...its cause I haven't gotten around to driving to Wal-Mart, where they develop really awesome pics....as soon as I do (which will probably be this weekend), I'll post them.

Alicia's BBQ

I can't believe I waited all day to write in here...I had a fantabuluous weekend....well Sunday actually. Alicia's BBQ went terrifically well. Pictures to come very soon!

We impatiently waited for my godmother and uncle to arrive, as they were the only ones that we thought were going to come. My uncle Juan called because they were somewhere down the street, and couldn't find my mom's address. So when they arrived, car after car after car kept pulling up. Nearly my entire family from my father's side came. It made me want to cry. I hadn't seen most of these people in 7 years, and the others since I was like 4. My uncles were great. They were so much fun and I am super happy that they came. We ate, we danced (my godfather brought a whole DJ system), we talked...for hours.....It felt so good to finally be around family that makes you feel like they love you and not shit talkers like a lot of my mom's side is. The funny part is that we really never had relationships with these people. My father abandoned us and they alway treated us like we were the best nieces/cousins/friends they ever had. It sort of hurt me that a family we hardly know treats us better than the family we have around us. I'm not saying ALL of my mom's family is bad to us... but the majority is. As much as I resent my father, I'm glad he left a great family for us to share the good moments with.

P.S. for those of you that might get confused, my dad passed away (step-dad), my father live an hour away (yes, I do know exactly where he lives, and no, I haven't seen or heard from him in 7 years). Thats how much he cares about Alicia and me.

Older days

LOL..I know, its a funny picture. Its me, as you guessed. Back in my thinner days, I believe I was about 19. Before the tremendous weight gain, before the braces, and before losing all of my sanity. That is Batman, and a toothless Superman (that's why he's smiling with his mouth closed). I am in from of Grauman's Chinese Theater on Hollywood Blvd. A place I used to frequent, until I had to grow up.

So yeah..for your enjoyement. Please, feel free to laugh....God knows I do everytime I look at it. 

Planning and Planning

So Sally's 16th birthday is on December 15th, mine is December 20th, for those of you that didn't know. Oh yeah, Sally is my youngest sister (see picture below with my oh so cute nephew Cesar) Alicia and I are currently planning a birthday party for her. Yes, we are going to invite like 100 people, no we don't have room for all of them, yes, there will be alcohol, no there won't be underage drinking, yes we are going to get wasted, no my mom doesn't mind, and yes we are going to have tons of fun.

So, if you know me and will be in the Los Angeles
Area on December 3rd, let me know, you just might get invited. We hope to have fun, as we are in dire need of it. Sally's excited, and besides, how often do we do this?? 

Alicia's Cheezy-ness

Cheezmania.....This is Alicia...she is my sister. I know, you already know her from posts below. Well, its her birthday on Sunday (the big 2-0). What am I going to buy her? Nothing to tell you the truth. Not not really, I don't want to say because she might read this and be non-surprised. We are however having a "carne asada", a Mexican BBQ. Family, some friends, and her big ol' cheezy smile.

Wish her a happy birthday.